I love being a mom, and there were definitely parts of being a wife I loved too. I thought I'd found my soul mate, and I was willing to put in the constant work that being in a relationship required. Heavy Metal sadly had a different idea, and thought that being in a marriage should just be and not take effort. Unfortunately I don't know how to be a wife to a couch warming, beer drinking workaholic who just didn't want to spend any time with me.
So there I was, a week before our first Christmas with Pigtails, only 2 months after our first anniversary, facing the reality that this would be the last holiday we will be together as the family I always thought we would be. Goodbye husband and wife, hello single mom.
I'm all over the place right now. Devastated doesn't quite begin to describe how deep this sadness goes, and the anger is a lot to keep reigned in against Heavy Metal sometimes. I'm embarrassed, I feel like a fool... all normal emotions I imagine, and I'm just trying to take this one minute at a time. One day at a time is still quite daunting, and though I know I'll get there eventually, for now one minute is all I can handle.
Here I go again...
~Lace
